How soon is too soon to move in together? It’s a question that comes up time and again in the world of relationships. For some couples, it might be sooner rather than later. But for others, taking things slow is the best way to ensure that the relationship will last. So how do you know when it’s the right time?
Cohabitation is one of the following steps in a relationship that makes sense to do, however, this raises the question of how soon is too soon to move in together if the relationship is still relatively new. For example, would moving in together after only three months be too soon? What about the first six or nine months of the year?
The answer, in a nutshell, is that it is dependent. Before moving in together, there are a few fundamental aspects of your relationship that need to be solidified, as recommended by several experts and authorities in the field. Keep reading to find out what they are and for additional advice on how to determine whether or not it is too soon for the two of you to move in together.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Move In?
In most cases, the length of time spent together is less important than the quality of the relationship between the two people. When it comes to building excellent relationships, the capacity to talk openly and honestly about sensitive subjects without becoming defensive or distant is one of the most important skills to possess.
Instead, you both show that you are curious about the topic at hand, that you are willing to broaden your perspective in light of the beliefs held by the other person, and that you have the ability to devise solutions that benefit both parties in the event that this is necessary.
It is essential that you allow yourself sufficient time to examine the behaviour of the other person outside of the context of the relationship. This requires you to pay attention not just to the way in which they treat you, but also to the way in which they treat other people and the way in which they conduct their life. From there, you’ll have a clearer idea of whether or not your beliefs are aligned with the way that they conduct their life and connect with other people.
Then, would it be too soon to live in together after three, six, or nine months? It is possible that it is too soon if you and your spouse have not yet checked off all of the items listed above. However, if you have already built those aspects that serve as a basis, then it may not be too early.
Some couples that move in together early have wonderful experiences, while other couples who wait a long time before moving in together may not have as positive of an experience. To reiterate, it is not a question of time but rather the quality of the relationship that is important.
Things To Consider Before Moving In Together
1. Consider What Living Together Will Be Like
The topic of discussion should also include what it will be like for the two of you to live together if and when the time comes. In the event that one of you gets offended because of anything the other person did, how do you plan to discuss it and handle the situation once you start living together?. Getting into the specifics, such as who will be responsible for various household chores and responsibilities, as well as how you plan to manage your funds and pay your bills, is an important step.
2. What Are Your Motivations For Moving In Together?
It is critical to have an open and frank conversation with your significant other before deciding whether or not to move in with if you are really considering making this move. The first thing that has to be discussed is: What are your reasons for wanting to move in together?
It’s not necessarily how fast you moved in together that poses the highest risk of dissatisfaction after moving in together; rather, it’s whether or not the partnership has unequal incentives for moving in together.
One example of an asymmetrical incentive is when one spouse wants to move in together because they believe it would save them money in comparison to living apart, while the other partner wants to move in together because they believe it is the next step in making their relationship stronger on the path to getting married. In other words, you should both have the same understanding of the reasons for your decision to move in together.
So, Are You Ready?
One of the most important indicators that you may be ready is when there is mutual respect and admiration in the connection. Both parties involved should have the mindset that the relationship gives them the love, support, and impetus they require to live a life that feels even better than it did before they were involved in it. You should discover that the relationship makes both of your lives easier than they were when you were apart.
This does not mean that you should benefit in exactly the same manner as the other person, but you should find that your lives are easier than they were when you were away. In this way, neither party feels as though they are making more of an effort than the other, making sacrifices, or placing themselves in awkward situations in order to keep the relationship alive.
If the relationship has passed the aforementioned criteria, but you are still unclear about whether or not it is too soon for the two of you to move in together, it is best to wait and take as much time as you need until you are both certain.
10 Signs To Indicate That You Are Ready To Move In Together
You do not want to find yourself in a situation in which you find a place to live together after putting in a lot of work, spending a lot of money, and taking a risk only to come to the conclusion that it was the wrong thing to do and have to start the moving process all over again, or even worse, break up.
Check out some of the indications that you and your partner are ready to take this next step in your relationship by looking at some of the indicators that you are ready to move in together.
1. You regularly talk about your finances
Money is one of the last major taboos. But when you’re living with someone and sharing the expense of living with them, it’s crucial to get into the practice of discussing your money. Try quietly incorporating it into your dinner table chat, or fitting the money topic into your normal weightier talks.
2. You have a plan for sharing expenses
You seem to have the matter of the rent under control, but what about the utilities? It’s possible that your spouse takes far longer baths than you do or sleeps with the television on, both of which might result in significantly higher utility expenditures. Or the two of you have entirely dissimilar preferences when it comes to food and what you’d want to keep in the refrigerator.
Develop a strategy for how you will divide the costs before this topic becomes a source of contention in your relationship. You may decide to share things according to your salary when you first move in, or you might agree to a 50-50 split with the understanding that you would check in after three months.
3. You can deal with each other’s mess
What do you think? Living with a person who is messy will not make a person who is tidy messier, and living with a person who is neat will not make a messy person tidier. You’re only going to make each other more annoyed. Unless, of course, you decide to reach a consensus, accept each other’s degrees of organization and cleanliness, and make some concessions. The talk must take place despite the fact that it is prolonged and frequently irritating.
In addition, it is of the utmost significance during the pandemic to guarantee that at the very least, compatible safety requirements are in place. If a mask is filthy, does it go right into the hamper, or do you sometimes just leave it on the couch? You will need a strategy.
4. You don’t have any financial secrets
There is probably a lot about your relationship that you are unaware of. Are they able to obtain student loans? Credit card debt? Bad behaviors in regard to spending? It is crucial to discuss these matters openly because, despite the fact that they may appear to be private, they have the potential to have an impact on both of your financial situations if you are cohabitating and sharing living expenses.
Put everything that needs to be discussed regarding your debt on the table, including college loans, credit card debt, personal loans, vehicle loans, and anything that is already in collections. Because you are going to find out what each other’s credit ratings are if you are obtaining an apartment together, there is no need for any surprises that aren’t absolutely essential.
5. You’ve already survived a huge fight
Do you remember the argument that you believed would be the last straw in your relationship? It seems that the fact that both you and your spouse made it through the Big Blowout of 2020 unscathed makes you better prepared to live together in a shared space. It is crucial for a couple to be able to go on to the next phase in their relationship if they know how to heal from a major argument. When you move in on a permanent basis, you are going to require those tools.
6. You’re on the same page about pets
Will it be okay if my cat scratches up the furniture if I let it have free reign? Is your significant other going to come to the rescue of strays canines and invite them to sleep with them? Who is responsible for picking up the waste and paying the charges associated with the veterinarian? You need to choose who will be responsible for the animal if one of you is going to bring a pet into a house that is shared, and this is especially important if you believe you might obtain another pet while you are living together.
Even though it’s terrible to consider, you should certainly have a plan for who will have custody of the children in the event that you and your partner break up. When things go bad between exes, it is not unheard of for former partners to take animals as hostages; this is not something you want to do to your cherished fur baby!
7. You don’t ignore your relationship problems
The amount of time that you already spend together might serve as a solid indicator of whether or not the two of you are prepared to share space permanently. Consider some of the disagreements that you and your partner have: Are you still having the same problems? It’s not a good indicator if they are, especially if no one is working on fixing them. As soon as you enter the area, you are immediately on top of one another, and the difficulties begin to snowball.
If you can tell that the two of you are making an effort to improve your lives, that’s one thing; however, if the two of you continue to live together, things are just going to get one million times more difficult.
8. You’ve discussed your future
Before moving in together, the most common error that couples make is that they fail to have a conversation about what it truly means for them to be living together. Say something like, “Let’s have a seat and talk about why we’re moving in together.” What are the following steps? Why are we just now going to the trouble of moving in together?’ That is the point at which both parties are communicating with one another.
9. You don’t feel like you’re rushing into it
If you feel pressure to move in from anyone—your parents, your friends, your spouse, or even yourself—you probably aren’t ready to make the step just yet. Find a way to take some time and make things work if there is a large question mark that makes you feel uneasy. Find another solution, such as delaying the decision by a year or making a compromise by relocating to a location that is more convenient for both of you. If it’s even a question, simply wait.
10. You have an exit strategy
Regrettably, not all partnerships are able to withstand the passage of time. But just because you’ve broken up doesn’t imply that your financial situation has to suffer as a result. When you move in together, it is important to discuss what will take place if the relationship does not succeed. Perhaps one of you will continue to occupy the home or apartment, or you will save some money away in the event that you have to terminate the lease early. It is not romantic in any way, yet it is really significant.
